My special power is to make people going mad. They called me the M-boy. This gift was discovered by the good sir Dick Dickens, who used to visit my aunt each Friday night. I remember that I was loving to make photos climbed up on our neighbour’s roof, exactly when mister Jack and aunty Fifi were practicing some Tantra yoga.
They explained me that if I will show the pics to my pals then all the houses in the town will fall on my head, plus several planets, plus a lot of cuffs and kicks from both of them. This did sound so exciting so that I put them on all the walls and poles in the town. That moment the good sir Dick was officially declared mad because he tryed to blow up all those walls… They changed theirs minds after several days and put him into jail, and after one year he got a very nice wedding ceremony with his chum. That one was called Butch.

After that aunt Fifi tried to poison me with a soup of carrots but I survived. After one long week of diarrhea I sweared to pay her back.
Therefore, have here another pic with her.

I figured out on those tragic moments while moaning in the bushes that world is tough and that for survaival I have to develop my skills. Suddenly I became wiser and no more carrots interferred since then in my life. Yuck!

One day I was laying in the park waiting some U.F.O. to land and to kidnapp some people. I was so focused in my visual contact with a point in the sky, where I supposed that it would be the entrance of the alien spacexrafts that I didn’t notice when a man in black had a sit along with me. Listen, kid, he said, it is the time to do something with your life. Perfect syncronization!, I thought, this is exactly what I always wanted to do. What if I would become a target for darts player, in the pub?, I asked. I hope my resume would count for this position!. You are more than that, kiddo. It could be a start, but I have something better for you. Would you like to join the government in its action of making world a safer place to live? I took a look on that man in black having a bad feeling in my pants… What is about?, I asked. Deal with dead people, kiddo. One buck per week plus twenty cents for each burried guy. This is my final offer for you. Think deep, kiddo, your skills should be used by community… But… but who are you?, I asked, starting to think deep, according with instructions received. John the grave-digger. I’m in!, I screamed happy. All my dreams came true and I run happily

home to tell the good news to aunt Fifi.

As everyone should imagine, I loved that job.
I learned that the best way to make a widow to jump like a kangaroo when hip-hop music has been starting from the bottom of the grave is to carefully install some thumbtacks on her chair. I love kangaroos.
When our priest brock his neck by jumping from the roof of the church when he saw me coming to visit him, it was clear for everybody that I have to be promoted.

I became the one dealing with stray dogs in the town. My main goal was to collect their shit from the roads and to have some telepathic conferences with them, communicating the same and the same message from the mankind to this dogs community: avoid shitting in the future!. I was so good in what I was doing that I got a special office downtown where to prepare my extra-sensorial contacts with this shitting species. Anyway, in two months all the dogs moved out to

Seattle and I lose my job again. I wanted to hunt them there, but a tough commando of them waited me at the exit of the town and teared my pants. I gave up that time, learning that all living creatures have a natural born right for shitting on the roads.

Rumours about my gift were spreaded all over the county. Most of the people decided to admire me in a very decent way, avoiding me. The rest preferred to throw stones on me screaming all the time. Average ones.

One day a small gang arrived in the town, called by our mayor. They introduced themselves as students of the great professor Xanax, dealing with gifted guys like me. They asked aunt Fifi to agree for letting me to join their institute, somewhere in the middle of a military zone. Area 51, I think, I don’t remember exactly.

So here I am.
They decided to send me in space, along with two nice chimps, George and George (senior and junior).
In 12 years I am supposed to be out of the solar system.

 

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